Cosmo Digital

\\- Contents -//
Preface and acknowledgements
Prologue - The Plains of Resurrection
Chapter 1 - Initial Moves
Chapter 2 - Old Enemies Return
Chapter 3 - Jackie the Ripper
Chapter 4 - The war Begins
Chapter 5 - Gods and Demons and Writers, oh My!
Chapter 6 - Lovecraft vs. Tolkien
Chapter 7 - An Alliance Against Ultimate Evil
Chapter 8 - The Final Battle
Epilogue - Final Moves


\\- Preface and acknowledgements -//

The stars have aligned once more and the sleeping acolytes of the elder God Cthulhu have risen once more from their undead sleep of forty thousand years. (Okay, so technically it is one year, but we can’t let reality spoil everything for us). The suspense is terrible, as Machine Lord (remember him? How can anyone forget?) makes his bid for universal conquest, rebuilding the ashes of his lost empire. Vast plans of domination and ethnic purging will be implemented against the race of Dan’s Lizard children, who struggle to find a viable leader in their search for the mysterious, magickal lands of the elves, which they hope to use as a safeground. Magick wars will be fought, old friends and foes will be resurrected from the grave (or Montana), and special cameos will be made by a surprisingly large number of famous/infamous people. I’ll bet you are already shaking with antici...pation. (An oblique reference to the Rocky Horror Picture Show). Okay? Let’s begin. May 2003

//- Prologue -\\
\\- The Plains of Resurrection -//

And at last the great war was over. A time of peace and prosperity reigned over the land, and soon the races forgot all about the incredibly wealthy and attractive sorcerers Cosmo and Brittany, and their war against the forces of Machine Lord and Hitler-grant. The world was eventually populated by Dan’s lizard children, who set up a society far more advanced than our present one on Earth. They will become extremely sophisticated, and will be able to use the power of their minds in telepathy in order to accomplish nearly all menial tasks. From this Utopian society comes a deathly menace, as one of the Lizard leaders, the eventual heir and descendant of Dan, decides to further advance his level of progression by traveling to the forbidden ruins of Eltdown. Now, everyone knows that forbidden ruins are titled "forbidden" for a perfectly good reason, and therefore by all means should stay off limits. However, this Lizard, who by the way is named Dan XXVII, did not see all the "no trespassing" signs and decided to enter onto the ruins of the destroyed tower. This tower, now melted into a plain of black glass, was once again the stronghold of Machine Lord, who was buried under all the rubble in his fight to the death with Hitlergrant.

Although Machine Lord did fight against Hitlergrant, he is still incredibly evil in his own right. His titanium exoskeleton is undamaged by the rubble or by the bomb that destroyed the tower, and he digs himself out of the ancient wreckage just in time to meet Dan XXVII. Lizard Dan sees Machine Lord’s advanced metal body and plasma weapons, and will offer himself up as Machine Lord’s disciple in return for knowledge of how to enhance himself with Machine Lord’s superior technology. Dan XXVII, upon being accepted by Machine Lord, takes a new name for himself (because every evil disciple/turncoat is required by law to create a new identity for themselves. It is true!) and thus calls himself Kul’Karrath, which doesn’t mean anything in an ancient language, but sounds really wicked nonetheless. Machine Lord instructs Kul’Karrath to find him more followers, so he can take over the world once more, this time without the intervention of those two meddlesome sorcerers, Cosmo and Brittany. It is common knowledge that you and I killed each other in our epic war, when I was attacking your castle in the sky. However, there are cults devoted to both of us, and we are worshiped as gods by these groups. (Not that we weren’t worshiped before, but you get the point...I hope). These massive, secret cults begin to spread rumors that much like King Arthur, the two of us are not really dead, but sleeping. It is also said that we will be resurrected sometime in the future, in order to save the world once more. With the rise of Machine Lord, our mystical aid is needed, and thus we rise from the grave, immortal and imbued with the powers of God and/or Jesus Christ (whichever one you want). And thus we take up our rune-covered swords, Mournblade, and Fluffy, to fight against the metal menace.

//- Chapter 1 -\\
\\- Initial Moves -//

Grant, err...Machine Lord, although he is not yet aware of our second coming, wastes no time in creating a vast army of metal spiders to ravage the forests of the land and use the lumber in his subterranean forges (NO, it’s nothing like Saruman in Lord of the Rings. Not at all. Honest...). Kul’Karrath sets out to recruit more disciples, and in doing so, runs into Jen, who is somehow back from the forgotten wastes of Montana. However, he was not able to recruit her, as she left immediately afterwards.

It was about this time that back on Earth, Stephanie and Ken decided to find out just what happened to all of us. Ken will use his computer skills to hack into the CIA databases, which will reveal the location of the portal that took all of us to the new realm. However, Ken is a slacker and doesn’t have his license and so made Stephanie drive him to the portal. He was going to just investigate the portal, because he had to get back to work at King Soopers, but the corporation fired him for taking unauthorized time off. And so he is jobless, and therefore decides to go through the portal, but not without taking along a laptop computer with his precious games Warcraft III and Diablo. He is addicted to the games, and like a crack addict in need of a fix he is forced to play them every two hours. Stephanie, meanwhile, attempts to flee for her sanity from the tortures of the Target photo place, but not before she mixes together a bunch of the photo lab chemicals, using the knowledge from all those chemistry classes she was forced to take in college, and creates an E-bomb, destroying the Target store (and everything in a 100 mile radius). Fleeing various manslaughter, arson, and theft charges, she hijacks a jet and flies to the portal with Ken. Later on Ken will use his computer skills to customize the jet, so it can turn into a V12 Viper, much like one of those Transformer commercials. While traveling through the portal, however, the jet will interfere with the magnetics of the portal, and will be turned into a working (and very, very fast) time machine. The time machine/Viper/jet will also be outfitted with a number of really cool weapons, including an arsenal of plasma-powered machine guns, and laser guided nuclear warheads. Not really knowing how to use the time machine, they will accidentally travel to the 1890’s. however, stuck in a slow-moving horse drawn carriage, Stephanie will flip out from road rage, firing the majority of her nuclear missiles, destroying London. Seeing that they have ruined one era, Stephanie and Ken will travel back to the future, and will end up going to our realm, after making a quick stop on Earth to pick up Stephanie’s Tool CDs. She wanted to kidnap the band members, but Ken said no, thinking Stephanie would pay more attention to the band than him. Just as they are arriving on our realm, Machine Lord finishes creating his army of metal spiders. He sends his army out to capture Lizard villages and use them as slave labor. While on one of these missions, the army of spiders encounters Stephanie and Ken, who destroy them with their advanced weaponry. Machine Lord, to say the least, is pissed about this, and so sets about trying to discover a way to gain the upper hand. Meanwhile, Stephanie and Ken are driving around the countryside, running down a number of random peasants. While on one of these jaunts, they encounter the two of us, and after catching up, we all decide to join forces.

//- Chapter 2 -\\
\\- Old Enemies Return -//

Kul’Karruth decides that the help Machine Lord needs will come from the reincarnated spirit of Hitlergrant, and so sets out on an epic journey into danger and madness in order to find the corpse of Hitlergrant, which was carried away by demons upon his death. The journey he made was extremely quick, however, and so it shall not be mentioned ever again. Now that Machine Lord has the pieces of Hitlergrant’s body (remember, he was blown up by Machine Lord’s bomb), he morphs them into the form of a squirrel (the formula for this magick transformation is very ancient, involving 1 part magick, 1 part metal blacksmith techniques, and 4 parts insanity). And thus Hitlergrant is resurrected once more, in the form of Fifi, the incredibly evil Nazi squirrel. Meanwhile, on the other side of the realm, Stephanie, Ken, you, and I build a new temple of forbidden pleasures black cathedral of the Gods, to act as our base and stronghold. Utilizing Ken’s knowledge once more, we install a number of weapons, as well as many, many computer games. We then go about recruiting more people to aid our cause in destroying Machine Lord and Fifi the Incredibly Evil Nazi Squirrel. Before we get to too many people, however, we are called upon to solve a mystery.

//- Chapter 3 -\\
\\- Jackie the Ripper -//

It seems that someone is going around killing Lizard women prostitutes, and the people ask us to discover who is doing it. It isn’t much of a mystery, however, as we figure out that the most likely explanation is that Jack the Ripper traveled in time and arrived on our realm. (Now you know the real reason Jack the Ripper was never caught). Once all of us finally trap Jack the Ripper in a clever plot aided by the legendary detective Sherlock Holmes, we all realize that Jack is not a man at all, but rather a woman. It turns out that Jackie the Ripper, (as her real name is), is a prostitute who was really pissed off at the other women for stealing her business. The whole "Jack" thing was just a result of Jackie being real bad at spelling. Anyhow, we are about to put Jackie on trial (which on our planet involves a cagematch to the death against Stephanie), but Sherlock Holmes immediately falls in love with Jackie and begs us to spare her life (turns out he wasn’t gay after all. My theory was wrong.). So anyway, Sherlock Holmes and Jackie the Ripper then decide to team up with us to fight against Machine Lord and Fifi the Incredibly Evil Nazi Squirrel.

//- Chapter 4 -\\
\\- The war Begins -//

By the time we resolve the issues with Jackie and Sherlock, Machine Lord has used the remnants of his metal spider army in order to take over a number of villages, using the captured inhabitants as slave labor. He gains a few more disciples during this time, who include Nazul, the blind necromancer; Mal’Tanith the sadomasochistic demoness from the nether realm; and the personal disciple of Fifi the Incredibly Evil Nazi Squirrel, Tori the Hedgehog from Hell. Although Tori was once your faithful (okay, semi-faithful) pet, he grew disgruntled from never being able to escape from his color-coded pen, and so broke free after you and I traveled to our realm, eventually going on a number of enlightening adventures, soon discovering the secret of teleportation. He eventually used his teleportation ability to travel to the seventh layer of Hell, and while there learned at the feet of a number of powerful demon Lords. They gave him the key to raising demons, in return for his being required to summon the demon-Lords who taught him. They then would break free of Tori’s control (a fact unknown to him), and would set about converting our realm into their own version of Hell. That fact doesn’t sit too well with every other person/creature on the realm, so Machine Lord begins to make plans to kill our evil hedgehog. Fifi the Incredibly Evil Nazi Squirrel, however, stops Machine Lord from shredding the hedgehog’s atoms with his fusion ray, because Tori is apparently doing a real good job as Fifi’s disciple.

Machine Lord, while hunting for Ken and Stephanie, (and their jet/time machine), comes upon the Lizard scouts from our army. They capture the scouts and torture them with recorded versions of Grant’s graduation speech, a fate generally regarded as worse than death. From the tortured confessions of our scouts, Machine Lord and Fifi find out that you and I have been resurrected, and now they change their plans for world domination. Domination can wait. They want revenge on us (even though they were the ones who killed each other. Ironic), and so research into new technologies and magickal spells to counter our god-like powers. Much like The Matrix, they create a race of A.I. machines, but unlike the movie, are able to control them with Machine Lord’s innate ability to have power over other machines. This army of machines is at least 100,000 strong, and as they move inward to our territory our lizard army is completely destroyed by them. None of us really have a wish to be killed by Machine Lord’s army, and so we retreat while sending out scouts looking for people who we can bolster the ranks of our army with. Eventually, you, having just reread The Lord of the Rings along with the ten volumes of Lord of the Rings history, decide that we should contact the Elves and they will help us (because every single fantasy realm has to have a race of elves. It’s the law). And so we abandon our Castle of the Gods and set out to the Northern Forests in search for the elves. After a number of really quick but pointless adventures which will not be discussed here, we find the mystical lands of the elves. Turns out that not only are they real, but somehow J.R.R. Tolkien is living with them. I flip out at this (because remember, I hate Tolkien), and so I refuse to enter the lands of the elves. However, this isn’t much of a problem, for it turns out that there are two races of elves: the good elves and the evil elves. I travel the half-mile to the other elves, while it is revealed that your group of elves are actually the evil ones, and they are planning to sacrifice all of you and your lizard guards as tribute to Tolkien, whom they worship as a god. Now I don’t really care about the sacrifices and all, I am just angered that I am not the one being worshipped as a god. I am about to make my move to strike at the elves, but my plans are interrupted by those of Machine Lord and Fifi.

//- Chapter 5 -\\
\\- Gods and Demons and Writers, oh My! -//

By the time we are chilling with the elves, Machine Lord’s army has taken control of our castle. Instead of razing it to the ground, they decide to use it as their new base. They then use the advances computer systems to create more A.I. armies, and sent these out for hundreds of miles in every direction to scour the land and look for us. It is about this time that Tori is commanded by his demon masters to raise them up from the nether realms of Hell. Because he knows that Machine Lord and Fifi wouldn’t take this too kindly, he raises them up in secret, somehow managing to conceal the giant pentagrams he had to draw all over the place. Now, as a hedgehog, Tori isn’t really aware of the complex dynamics of the space-time continuum or quantum physics or any of that needed to create a working portal. And so he screws it up, even with the aid of his demon-Lord masters. Instead of creating a working portal to Hell, he creates one to the outer spheres of space and time, where (as you should know from reading H.P. Lovecraft) the elder gods reside. They come through the portal, taking control of Tori and transforming him into their undying minion. Tori accepts this transformation, as now he is able to have more power than the demons gave him. By fantasy law, he now has to change his name to something else, and he does so, becoming Galgarash the Mighty Hedgehog of the Nether Spheres (Galg for short). The elder Gods immediately move out and begin to take control of the world, while Galg serves as their avatar. The Elder Gods include Yog-Sothoth, Shub-Niggurath, and of course Great Cthulhu. (Yes, I know Cthulhu was in the first story. I can’t help myself...).

Now, because you and I are in tune with Elder Gods and demons, we both know that three Elder Gods are present on our planet. I, with my access to tomes of forbidden and esoteric knowledge, discover that the only way to prevent the takeover and subsequent destruction of our realm is to resurrect the one being who has more power than all the Elder Gods combined. No, not Jesus. It’s H.P. Lovecraft. In order to do this, however, I have to team up with you in order to combine our powers of Necromancy, and there is the whole matter of the elves.

All of us meet and decide that instead of engaging in a pointless and destructive war, each side will choose a representative to fight in a cage match to the death, and the elves of the losing team will be forced into slave labor. The elves themselves had other opinions on the matter, but we were their superiors and so do not care. The representative for the evil elves is Tolkien, and I decide that with his god-like powers, the fighter for the good elves will be H.P. Lovecraft, once he is recalled to life. And so we postpone the elf-fight, and you and I ready our preparations to call up Lovecraft.

Before we do this, however, Galg reveals himself to be a backstabbing little bastard by turning against Machine Lord and Fifi the Incredibly Evil Nazi Squirrel. He decides that the Elder God’s conquest of the world would be aided if Machine Lord and all his companions were dead. With his ungodly powers, Galg managed to kill off most of Machine Lord’s disciples. When he tries to murder Kul’Karrath, however, he is not quite successful and they get into a magickal battle that ends up with the complete destruction of our Castle of the Gods, along with most of the people inside it. His strength enhanced by the elder gods, Galg finally delivers a killing blow to Kul’Karruth, biting off his head. Galg is weakened, but still feels confident enough with his newfound powers to take the fight to Fifi. A chaotic battle ensues, with both Galg and Fifi crippling each other. At the very end, they throw everything they have into one last blow, and this kills them both. Goodbye Tori...er...Galgarash. Now, you may remember that Fifi was really Grant possessed by Hitler. With his body destroyed, the spirit of Hitler rises up and inhabits the first thing it finds: in this case a block of cheddar cheese that one of the human soldiers was about to eat. Before realizing his mistake, Hitlercheese is quickly eaten and washed down with a glass of wine. (I’ll bet you always wondered just how Hitler would meet his end. Now you know the disturbing truth).

And so, Machine Lord is once again completely alone, a sure sign that Grant will never find companionship. Anyway, suffering pangs of loneliness, Machine Lord decides to build himself a robot wife, aptly titled Wife of Machine Lord. Oddly enough, this mechanical woman resembles Mark to an astonishing degree. In an interesting and informative sidenote, the real Mark is at this time President, having proved the AHS Senior class correct in that he will take political power in his longterm goal to conquer the world. However, after only serving out three months of his first term as president, Mark is forced to resign when he becomes embroiled in a bitter scandal involving his secretary, Lisa Chan. Eventually he will become a resentful alcoholic, but after overcoming his addictions will make millions as an inspirational speaker. Anyway, back on our realm Machine Lord has crafted his wife, but it flees in horror at the sight of Machine Lord’s spiked steel carapace. She spends the rest of her life wandering the mountains of our realm, serving as an example of the error of humankind’s endless quest for knowledge. (Damn. I knew I read too much Frankenstein in high school. Stupid over-analysis ruining everything...).

And thus Machine Lord, crying about his lost love in private, realizes he will forever be alone and becomes extremely bitter as a result. His only chance at happiness now is to destroy you and I, who had foiled his plans to conquer the universe the first time.

Through all of this, you and I are busy with the spells to resurrect Lovecraft. Eventually we do so, and discover that while dead, H.P. Lovecraft learned the secrets of powerful magick and Necromancy from Anton Lavey and Alister Crowley. (Both of whom are real people, by the way. There is this rumor going around that Lovecraft and his wife, Sonia H. Greene, personally knew Alister Crowley, but this has since proven to be unfounded). Now H.P. Lovecraft holds such incredible power over the Elder Gods because he was the one who created them. This, combined with his new skills at sorcery, serve to make Lovecraft almost invincible. He quickly subdues the rampaging elder gods, turning them into his housepets. Now that this task is finished, he can go about fighting Tolkien to see which elves are the dominant group.

//- Chapter 6 -\\
\\- Lovecraft vs. Tolkien -//

And so the eagerly anticipated battle begins. In the end it is no contest, however, as to who is the winner. Although Tolkien does reveal himself to be an expert in kung-fu and ju-jitsu, Lovecraft has the power of a god.

The fight eventually plays out like this: After shattering Lovecraft’s arm with a well-placed kick, Tolkien goes in for the kill, but is distracted when he overhears the elf spectators talking. Apparently one of the elves mispronounces a word, and this leads Tolkien to sit down in the middle of the cage match and create another elven language right there on the spot. While he is occupied with his new language, Lovecraft circles around, grabs a chair from the corner of the ring, and strikes Tolkien over the head with it, breaking his neck. A broken neck doesn’t stop Tolkien, however, and he counters by pummeling Lovecraft with the many volumes of Middle Earth history. After trading a few more hits, Lovecraft tires of the fight due to his nervous condition, and snaps his fingers, using his god-like powers to summon Azathoth from the outer Hells. The mere sight of the daemon sultan is enough to drive Tolkien into gibbering insanity, and he spends the rest of his life in an insane asylum (have you ever noticed just how many weird fiction authors go insane and/or kill themselves? It is really disturbing when you look at it). And so although Tolkien is not dead, Lovecraft wins the cage match and the Good elves are declared the victors. You accept your defeat amiably, especially when I reveal to you that the evil elves were going to sacrifice and then eat your fried corpses in a ritual ceremony to Tolkien. We use the evil elves as slave labor in order to construct a new cathedral for us. The cathedral is only partially complete, however, when Machine Lord attacks the Northern Forests with his armies, killing most of the elves we conscripted into slave labor. We prepare to fight back, aided by Lovecraft who calls more Elder Gods down from space in order to help us. An epic battle begins, much like the one in The Two Towers movie. You notice this, and so you do not concern yourself overmuch with how the battle ends, as you are certain that at dawn Gandalf will come and save us.

Needless to say, Gandalf fails to make an appearance, as he is held up entertaining Tolkien in the insane asylum. Due mainly to your lack of interest in the battle, Machine Lord presses our armies back, even with the Elder Gods aiding us. He eventually surrounds us and cripples Ken, who was too busy programming computer viruses to watch how the battle was going. He is about to deliver a crushing attack that will kill us all, when the battle is interrupted by the entrance of a new combatant onto the field: the most evil being to ever exist, legendary in its cruelty and inflictions of horrific torture on helpless innocents. Even Satan himself draws away in fear at the mention of this hideous creature’s name. She has lived for uncounted centuries, feeding on the souls of any hero who dare oppose her. This terrible creature is none other than the gorgon known to all as Mrs. Heyman.

//- Chapter 7 -\\
\\- An Alliance Against Ultimate Evil -//

Even Machine Lord, desperate for someone to love, draws the line at aiding Mrs. Heyman, as he has heard of her legendary evil that will consume his very mind and soul. The reason Mrs. Heyman is on our realm is an interesting, albeit disturbing, one. After leaving her position as tyrant of the English department, she moved to Nevada as planned, needing the warmth to survive, as it is obvious she is cold-blooded. After a few years she realized that the ancient spells which had kept her alive for a thousand years previous were running down. In order to preserve her undead existence, she had to consume a being of great magickal power and energy. In order to postpone her decomposition for a few months, she consumed her husband like a Black Widow spider, and then unleashed her chaos magick to create a portal to the most powerful creature in the known universe, which I have already said is H.P. Lovecraft and his pantheon of Elder Gods.

Forced to make a terrible decision, Machine Lord eventually decides to side with us in the new fight against Heyman, as much as he hates us and all we stand for. We all attack the foul creature, and the strike forces her to shed her human form and resume her true demonic identity, oddly resembling Great Cthulhu. At first we believe her form is that of a succubus, but Mrs. Heyman as a succubus is a thought too horrible to contemplate, a fate no man would ever wish to be subjected to. We press the attack once more, seeing that she is weakened while in her natural form. Machine Lord in particular inflicts a moderate amount of damage with his array of thermo-rockets and plasma cannons, eventually managing to blow off one of the evil demon’s myriad tentacles. We move in to decapitate the thing, as decapitation and burning of the corpse is the only way we know of to rid the world of this menace. However, before we can kill her, Heyman teleports away, also unleashing a spell at the same time which obliterates the majority of both our armies. Seeing how our forces are severely weakened, Machine Lord has no choice but to remain with us until we destroy the monster. Here we all sit down and go through some much needed group therapy sessions, presided over by Sherlock Holmes. Through the course of the sessions it is revealed that you are pathologically insane and are still obsessing over your lost love Jaque (remember him?); I have a severe Napoleonic complex and believe I am both the reincarnation of Edgar Allan Poe and Princess Diana; and that Machine Lord is really gay and in love with Mark. This last revelation strikes no one as a surprise, as we all had figured it out while in high school. Soon we all come to terms with our individual problems, and we accept Machine Lord as a member of our group, causing him to shed a tear of joy. Now that he is one of us, his hatred disappears, and we all forgive him for trying to kill us multiple times. Now that we are all friends again, we begin to make plans to save our planet and destroy the Heyman creature. Machine Lord in particular is helpful with this, for during his original reign of terror he created many plans to conquer the world and kill us, which he only needs to alter slightly for Heyman. It is eventually decided that we will attack Heyman at her subterranean lair, hopefully destroying her before she recovers from our previous attack. We set out towards her lair, picking up people from our army as we travel through the countryside. After about a week we arrive that the borders of the toxic wastes which used to be beautiful forests until Heyman arrived. The first soldiers to set foot on the corrupted land are consumed by the flesh-eating bacteria which infests all the grounds in the region. Taking a lesson from their death screams, we set fire to the black earth in order to cleanse it before entering. As we are doing this, however, Heyman has recovered from the attack and has spawned several copies of herself to hold us at bay. As we are about to enter into the black pit that signifies the entrance to the lair, the five spawns emerge and immediately attack us.

//- Chapter 8 -\\
\\- The Final Battle -//

And thus begins the epic battle that was fated from the beginning to go down in legends. The five creatures initially drive us back, but you and I blast one with our powerful spells, injuring it and driving it back towards the pit from whence it came. Trapped, the creature is nearly helpless as we unleash our rune covered swords and use them to cut out the demon’s soul. Our swords are as legendary as we are, being forged in the ninth layer of Hell, with the souls of thousands of demons and sinners being folded into the liquid steel. The runes carved into them give the blades a powerful magick, and they are able to eat someone’s soul while at the same time granting us immortality. But enough of the swords. Suffice it to say that they are really wicked and badass to have.

Of the remaining four creatures, Stephanie and Ken manage to destroy one by using the missiles their car is equipped with. They manage to trap another by running it down with the car. Machine Lord kills one by blasting it with his optic rays, and takes on the remaining one in a fight using his titanium claws. As we watch, he manages to cut out the creature’s spine, and then decapitate it. Once we finish off the remaining spawn trapped under Stephanie’s car, we prepare to descend into the pit to confront Heyman. But our brief fight was not without injury. Ken, already crippled, goes into paralytic shock from the venomed fangs of one of the spawns, and Machine Lord’s metal body is pierced in three places, and he will explode if they are not repaired quickly. These setbacks do not deter us, and we go ahead anyway, searching through the labyrinthine tunnels until we come upon Heyman herself.

As prepared as we are for battle, Heyman attacks with brute force and knocks Stephanie unconscious. The rest of us attack as a group, but are all driven back. Machine Lord is caught in one of her tentacles, but manages to cut himself free and rejoin the group. As Heyman is about to attack once more, we inhuman endurance seemingly limitless, we are joined by Lovecraft, Jackie the Ripper, Sherlock Holmes, and the Elder Gods. Jackie is going to cut up Heyman like she did all those prostitutes, but never gets the chance as she is grabbed by the demon and is promptly chewed and swallowed. Sherlock upon seeing her gruesome death, breaks down and cries, as to him she will always be The Woman. The rest of us, however, don’t really care and so attack while Heyman is digesting Jackie. Our renewed attack begins to weaken the foul demon, and so she is helpless as the elder Gods move in. Great Cthulhu, really pissed off that Heyman looks almost exactly like him, attacks her and bites off her head. The rest of the Elder Gods then converge on her headless body, using it for a quick snack. They later suffer from severe indigestion, as the corpse of Heyman is anathema to even their alien organs. And so the battle is over. While the Elder Gods finish their meal the rest of us move outside, where we encounter a new army formed entirely of the lizards and elves we ruled over. They disliked us killing them and using them as slaves, and so have rebelled against our rule and set up their own militia. Weakened from the fight against Heyman, we cannot put up much resistance as we are shackled and brought before a tribunal of Lizard judges. Stephanie, Ken, Machine Lord, you, and I are all charged with abuse of power and crimes against humanity, and we are all sentenced to death. Before they are able to execute us, however, Machine Lord vaporizes our guards with his fusion ray, and all of us manage to escape in the resulting chaos, killing quite a few more lizards in the process. We hide out for a while in the forests, but it is clear the lizards will not rest until we are found. The only option remaining open for us is to leave the realm we worked so hard to save, and with some bitterness we do so, creating a portal back to Earth.

//- Epilogue:
\\- Final Moves -//

And so our epic adventures have progressed in a full circle, ending back on the realm of Earth while it all began. Although centuries have passed while we were on our planet, we find that Earth still has its good points. You and I set off together and eventually conquer England, using Buckingham Palace for our new home after we sell the royal family and parliament into slavery. Stephanie and Ken move back to North America, setting up a computer company and becoming billionaires. As for Machine Lord, he spends a few years wandering about the world, still pining over the loss of his beloved Mark. However, this poignant tale ends well, as Machine Lord encounters the descendant of Mark, Nathan Janko, and the two of them fall immediately in love. Machine Lord also conquers South America and strip mines it, gaining incredible wealth to augment his already massive fortune.

And so our rule of the world continues forever more, because we are immortal. We have many other adventures, but those are for a future time.

The End.

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